23rd hour steam.

I have recently recieved an apology from a high school mate of mine (it's only been two months and I'm already saying high school mates). The reason being I call him a high school mate and not a friend is that he has not been that great of a friend to me over the duration of my attendance at my high school. How I managed to stay 'friends' with him throughout all those years still baffles me from time to time. I would even go as far to say he has had some severe damage on my well being and how I view trust between people. If you don't really know, well, it's practically non-existent for most people. Trust for me is a huge issue and takes a lot of time and effort for others to gain from me.

The point being is that I wonder how he was able to act that way towards me when he considers me one of his closer friends and still actively damage my ego and my view upon others. How could I have possibly let him when I knew he did that to me. Why did I stay friends with him throughout all those years? The closest thing I could possibly think of is that I never really had friends throughout high school, or that's what I tell myself. I never really fit in with any crowd, or I was too busy trying to find my crowd that had a perfect balance of geek ingenuity and the natural outdoor lover. I haven't met a friend that I could completely confide in. A bro, so to say.

Two months away from high school, and about four months spent being an adult. I'm not sure what kind of maturity I've gained. I've begun to care less: I'm out of that high school horse race of popularity and such. Even though I have to go back another year I feel like that that part of my life is closed. For better I think would be fitting to this situation. I've begun to spend more time with other people, people from CalgarySkate. A lot of the guys there are over twenty and provide a different perspective on life and I think it's a nice change than hearing all the "What do you have left" or "How many units" conversations from my high school. I have to add that was the most annoying thing I have had to endure. I want friends, not robots. Let's spend a little time outside (or at school) not talking about our work for a little bit. I'm not bonding over some random math marks or a life about tests. Looking back now (yes, yes, I know; its only been two months) a lot of people I met in high school have been absolutely boring and I can't imagine why I was friends with them in the first place. I know I said I would keep in touch with a couple of them but I just don't see a reason to. Even glancing at some of these people on Facebook and their constant status updates (do these people have a life? or is it because they have a life they have more to post about?) that their personalities irk me. Do I seem like I'm talking older than I should be or am I just blowing hot air? I know it is actually childish to be talking about other people this way but it's just the way I feel. Not everyone gets along and I felt a lot of it was forced because every time I talked to someone new, or even hung out with someone it was a competition, an expectation that I should be the one talking or keeping the conversation going. I wonder what's to expect in September?