I'll say things here because I know you're not reading.

Doesn't that sound wimpy? Aren't we all taught to confront our problems head on and avoid the long and some would say the more painful path?

I personally would have to say no. Not in today's society. We've become so docile, so far away from our homo sapien roots. Back then if one had a problem with someone it would be settled by a physical fight. All out Prehistoric Warfare without any killstreak rewards. No, we grew up from that. We became smart. We became conscious.

And then we learned to lie.

Not that that's the point of this post and so I won't get into that. The point is is that I feel excluded at times by the closest friends I have. One example is that we were all going to get popsicles at a friends house and there was five of us, and the other guys got the good popsicles, whilst Jenn and I got some really cheap crappy ones. Yes it was enough to bug me, and the pessimist in me actually go to blaming my friend for trying something on my girlfriend. He offered her his popsicle when I know there was enough of that kind for all of us twice over.

And there are examples of where I'll say one thing and they won't respond then they'll repeat exactly what I just said and leave me out of it. It's absolutely rude and I come to ponder why I even keep people like these as my friends. I think I am going to ignore them for a while for the time being. I'm finding myself more certain that I am most definitely an introvert even though many argue I am an extrovert.

That isn't me. I feel like a different person because I feel like I am going to get criticized if I speak my mind about who I truly am. I am a geek. I like science. I get fascinated over biology and genomes. One of my biggest fascinations is about neanderthals. I get jealous over Francis people because they're tough. At least they can handle life head on and be themselves no matter what they deal with (even though it may be in groups). But as a student at Bishop Carroll where one would think their personalities have that space to expand, I feel very enclosed. I feel like every action I do is watched by projections (Inception joke).

Don't get me wrong: I do like to be surrounded by people but I am horrible at dealing with situations and prefer to be a step away from them. I've gotten good at not dealing with matters at hand and can clear out my mind of all thought at any given moment. That's a step over from being able to passively block out/forget memories. Not the wisest choice but it's what I wanted years ago and now I'm good at it. Going back to me not dealing with matters at hand, well, being surrounded by people, I am a person who would rather be admired for what I do from afar rather than get straight praise. For example I can crack up a joke and people will laugh but I don't know what to do afterward. Their laughter contents me enough. I learn longboarding because I think it is a pretty amazing looking sport, and I would like people to see that I have accomplished something and admire me.